September 2006

09.24.2006 Comment...
Ken, By Request Only

09.23.2006 Comment...
A Mitsubishi Holy War
Some Columbus radio stations have rejected as insensitive an advertisement for a car dealership that invokes Islamic references. The general manager of the dealership, though, says the promotions — which he called "tongue-in-cheek" — will air on some stations beginning next week.

In the spot, Keith Dennis of Dennis Mitsubishi talks about "launching a jihad on the automotive market." Sales representatives "will be wearing burqas all weekend long," the ad says. One of the vehicles on sale "can comfortably seat up to 12 jihadists in the back. Our prices are lower than the evildoers' every day. Just ask the pope!" the ad says. "Friday is fatwa Friday, with free rubber swords for the kiddies."

Jeff Wilson, general manager of Radio One stations WCKX (107.5 FM), WJYD (106.3 FM) and WXMG (98.9 FM), doesn’t intend to air the spot. "We won't play that," Wilson said. "With no disrespect to their creativity or their desire to build business, everything we're about is promoting the values of diversity. To air things of that sort would go against our mission statement." Representatives of WSNY (94.7 FM), WBNS (97.1 FM), WWCD (101.1 FM), WJZA/WJZK (103.5/104.3 FM), and WODB (107.9 FM) also said they won't air the ad. But Aaron Masterson, general manager of Dennis Auto Point, which writes and produces its own commercials, promised that the commercial will air.

"It starts next Friday morning," Masterson said. "As far as I can see, the top 10 stations — minimum — in the market. We made it very clear we wanted market saturation to get the point across." The dealership was a little surprised by the hesitation to run the ad, Masterson said, although he noted, "According to the people who have heard it, it is the most controversial commercial they've heard in the last 15 years." Calling the commercial aggressive, Masterson said, "This is one where we feel we're taking a bull's-eye on terrorists. After all the nonsense that the terrorists put the public through, they're fair game."

The president of the Columbus chapter of the Council on American-Islamic Relations, doesn't think terrorism is to be taken lightly. Asma Mobin-Uddin said she is concerned the ad's tone and imagery are "mocking and disrespectful to many different areas. One is Islamic faith and Islamic culture."

"Using that as a promotional pitch when so many are dying from the criminal activity of suicide bombers, that’s not funny," Mobin-Uddin said. "I don't think it's appropriate when it causes real pain. It exploits or promotes misunderstanding in terms already misunderstood or misused. That type of ad does nothing but promote discord in a very difficult time. The timing is just amazing. Maybe that's part of the shock value."

09.01.2006 Comment...
Paintin' the Town Brown
If you're not sure what the brown sound is, it's a sound frequency that causes humans to lose control of their bowels, due to resonance. Unfortunately, the brown sound was recently disproven by the MythBusters; their tests only resulted in making the subjects mildly queasy. Nevertheless, if you're looking for music that will void your bowels, here are a few suggestions.

My favorite song of 2006 is becoming even more favoriter. Jessica Simpson's "A Public Affair" is being given the special edition treatment by Yahoo Music. According to the website, "Get your name in the song! Download a personalized MP3 just for you! Yahoo Music and Epic Custom Cuts give you the opportunity to get your very own personalized version of Jessica Simpson's smash single 'A PUBLIC AFFAIR,' featuring you, for only $1.99." Unfortunately, "Geoff" does not yet appear in the list of 5,000 pre-recorded names, but the webpage says, "Your name not there? Come back often, more names will be added soon." You don't have to tell me twice.

Yahoo Music is also currently premiering Kevin Federline's video for his first single, "Lose Control". Even if you dislike Federline and his fat wife, you're bound to be intrigued by his timely lyrics and clever wordplay:

Don't hate cause I'm a superstar,
And I married a superstar!

Look man I'm in a whole other tax bracket,
It don't matter what you blow boy you can't match it!

And if you think those faux-rap lyrics are bad, then get ready for a real treat. Remember the boy band LFO from a few years back? They had a huge hit with "Summer Girls" (you know, Abercrombie and Fitch and all that) and, well, they're in a league of their own:

When you take a sip, you buzz like a hornet
Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets

Stayed all summer, then went back home
Macaulay Culkin was in Home Alone

Shooby doo wop and Scooby Snacks
Met a fly girl and I can't relax

Fell deep in love but now we ain't speakin'
Michael J. Fox was Alex P. Keaton

New Kids On The block had a bunch of hits
Chinese food makes me sick