December 2006

12.12.2006 Comment...
Billy Jack's Moral Revolution
"Imagine Billy Jack in a heated debate with the real George Bush over whether or not Bush lied about invading Iraq." Well, I haven't updated anything in a while; I guess I've been really busy. But, a momentous event has come to pass that has drawn me out of semi-retirement. A little background: Billy Jack is a movie character from the 1970s who drives around the Indian reservations in northeastern Arizona in a pink jeep... to defend Native Americans from white, racist bullies. His primary tools are "hapkido" - a phony form of martial arts that Billy uses to actually hop around and kill people with his feet - and "mental toughness" - a phony form of psychology that Billy actually uses to justify his preachy monologues.

I've been a big fan of Billy Jack for several years now. In fact, I own the complete, definitive four movie box set. From the original, pathetic stab at toughness, Born Losers, to its famous sequel, Billy Jack, to the worst movie I have ever seen, The Trial of Billy Jack, to the stupefying James Stewart remake adapted for Native Americans, Billy Jack Goes To Washington, the franchise has never let me down.

But my box set won't be complete for much longer - make it a quintet! Here's the official, yet poorly composed, announcement from billyjack.com: "New 2007 Film. Billy Jack's Moral Revolution. In a unique film genre never before seen in Hollywood. In addition, the new Billy Jack sequel will be the first film to launch a multi-faceted Political, Sexual, Spiritual and Psychological Revolution."

The best part is - this is all told without a shred of irony. According to Billy Jack, "Because ideas that come loaded in an emotional bullet stick long after the film ends, these themes will be loaded in four emotional bullets – four exciting, highly charged love stories." That doesn't even make sense! Nonetheless, the movie will introduce "a New Genre of Film combining fiction film with cinema verite, reality film, documentary and computer graphics... Imagine Billy Jack in a heated debate with the real George Bush over whether or not Bush lied about invading Iraq." That's not something I can even bring myself to imagine. Don't phunk with my heart, Billy.

Don't worry ladies, there's something for you too. "Important as the Impeachment and Ending the War theme is - there are four other more controversial themes in the film, and these four more powerful, insightful, and equally important themes, like the political theme, are woven into four magnificent love stories." Oh, dear. I can't wait!!!