January 2007

01.25.2006 Comment...
American Supremacy III: The Good Old Days
"There's nothing more deep than recognizing Israel's right to exist. That's the most deep thought of all... I can't think of anything more deep than that."
-George W Bush

"I was not pleased that Hamas has refused to announce its desire to destroy Israel."
-George W Bush
Washington, DC, 5/4/2006

"I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah."
-George W Bush
Washington, DC, 12/10/2001
At the White House menorah lighting ceremony.

"Whether they be Christian, Jew, or Muslim, or Hindu, people have heard the universal call to love a neighbor just like they'd like to be called themselves."
-George W Bush
Washington, DC, 10/8/2003

"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country."
-George W Bush
Poplar Bluff, MO, 9/6/2004

"People say, how can I help on this war against terror? How can I fight evil? You can do so by mentoring a child; by going into a shut-in's house and say I love you."
-George W Bush
Washington, DC, 9/19/2002

"I was proud the other day when both Republicans and Democrats stood with me in the Rose Garden to announce their support for a clear statement of purpose: you disarm, or we will."
-George W Bush

01.21.2007 Comment...
The Great White North
A lot of people have been asking me if I ended up attending Kirk Reeves' TV show taping and potluck dinner last week. I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that, no, I did not attend the taping of the Low Comedy show last week. However, the two-fold good news more than makes up for it.

Good news part one: the taping was postponed and re-scheduled for January 27, and I will be attending. Good news part two: the taping was postponed because Portland got assaulted by an awesome snowstorm on Tuesday, which dropped six inches in parts of the city. Because even the downtown received several inches of snow, the entire city more or less shut down. Work and school were cancelled and Portlanders flooded the streets to play in the snow. People were sledding down the hilly roads in my neighborhood, and I saw a guy skiing down West Burnside (the major east-west road) toward the Willamette River.

I guess it hadn't snowed this much in several years, and people were totally unprepared for it. I saw a dozen accidents before noon, and the I-405 was a parking lot of fender benders. Then, the train stopped making all of its stops and the bus schedules were scuttled. So, I missed the Low Comedy taping, which fortunately got postponed anyway. Here are some pictures.


This is the view from my apartment window at 7:30 AM. To give you an idea, from this point it continued snowing for another 8 hours. Two blocks up this hill and a couple hours later, this video was filmed.


This is Couch Park, the friendly neighborhood park near my apartment.


Here is the Interstate 405, approaching downtown. Notice how many cars failed to negotiate that curve, and the pile-up just beyond the bridge.


I hiked around and made my way toward the city center. Here I am beside the Pioneer Courthouse. My hands were getting cold and, unfortunately, purple.


Granted, it was impossible to drive and pretty hard to even walk around. So this guy got down to brass tacks and just skied down Burnside.


The bizarre mask/statues in front of PGE Park somehow look even creepier with snow on them.


The car dealership near my apartment made its employees shovel snow all day, but not even that could attract any Portlanders interested in test driving a Volvo. Never would have thought this day would come. Hell has frozen over!


Downtown Portland viewed from Washington Park. The route of the Polar Express is in the foreground.

01.17.2007 Comment...
Scooby Doo Strikes Back!
I have some very exciting news. A few days ago I wrote about the Low Comedy TV show on Portland Public Access. You've already seen the video... now hear the man speak! Kirk Reeves, the writer, director, and Scooby Doo actor, sent me a missive last week - seems he tracked himself down on the internet and came upon our little eagle here...

-----Original Message-----
From: Kirk Reeves
Sent: Thursday, January 11, 2007 11:45 PM
To: Incredible Eagle
Subject: Thank you for reviewing my show

I just came across your review and if you think it is funny (and horrible) you ought to attend a taping. I will be taping this Wednesday Jan 17, 2007 Starting at 6:00 and I will be doing my Valentine day show. This will have weird and strange love stories. Also if it bothered you I took your money here is your chance to get back at me by throwing a pie at me.

I will be providing food, but it might be more interesting if you also brought some food so we could make it potluck. Somebody said they were getting tired of having only pizza at the taping.

The address where the taping takes place is
Portland Community Media
2766 NE Martin Luther King Jr Blvd
Portland, OR 97212

[Editor's note: Kirk then sent another e-mail, containing the text below, a couple days later.]

We start setting up and hopefully start taping around seven and will go until 9:30. I will be taping hopefully three shows. A band, a magician and my valentine day show. It the valentine day show where you can throw a pie at me for making you pay $12.50. Out of curiosity, are you a fan of the so-bad-its-good movies live Plan 9 from Outer Space or Robot Monster?

01.03.2007 Comment...
Mystery Date, or, We're on First!
Portland's public access television is incredible. From the Von Hummer Hour (a weekly, thirty minute program involving a guy covered in plastic lobsters playing new wave music) to the Libertarian Alternative (where panelists insist they had affairs with Ayn Rand) to Portland Models (where two ugly teenage girls strike poses and discuss what it's like to be a model in Portland), you're guaranteed a pleasurable time whenever you tune in.

But, blowing them all away is the Low Comedy show. I tuned in to it on accident the day before Halloween, around 2 AM. The info button told me that I was watching the "Low Comedy 2006 Halloween Special: Zombie Dance Party." My brain told me that I was watching the funniest, most horrible thirty minutes ever broadcast on TV.

The premise of the special is that a socialite is trying to have a formal Halloween party at her house. Unfortunately, the house has been invaded by zombies who proceed to throw a dance party in her living room. To rid herself of the undead, the lady calls in famous "monster hunters," including the Scooby Doo gang, Laurel and Hardy, the Rock, and Mulder and Scully. Nothing is accomplished at any point during the show, the jokes are unspeakably stupid, and the actors forget their lines constantly.

At one point, Laurel and Hardy attempt to perform a stupid Abbott and Costello routine. Suddenly, the guy playing Laurel forgets his lines and asks if they can cut. The director refuses, and Laurel and Hardy just stand there awkwardly for several seconds. And for some reason, no one edited it out of the final package:



But, the best part of the entire show is writer, producer, and Scooby Doo actor Kirk Reeves. When the show ended, I tracked Kirk down on the internet and found his e-mail address. He offered to sell me a copy of the Zombie Dance Party on DVD for $12.50 (!), so we met a couple days later at the Fred Meyer near my apartment. I arrived with only $12 and he made me break a twenty dollar bill at the cashier for the last fifty cents. And yes, in real life he acts the same as he does on the show. Here are his greatest hits, in character as Scooby Doo:



So, I bought his awful DVD for $12.50 and put some highlights up on YouTube. Enjoy the clips. May they change your life for the better, as Kirk Reeves has already changed mine.